Dating: No pansies allowed

It's so funny how things go so wrong so quickly.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I don't really date.... I didn't have the time or the energy to 'meet someone' for so long. I guess in a way this hurt me. I have no prior experience to reference when I'm having issues in my current dating life.

The following.... frustrate me.

1. When a girl likes you, she usually makes it pretty obvious. How hard is it to be straightforward back to her? If you don't like her... be a man and say that things aren't going to work out so that she can move on.

2. When you DO like a girl, don't ignore her. Why is it that guys think that texting/calling someone like once a week is ok?? It's not too much to ask for you to touch base with me.

3. When major life events occur... tell the girl you are dating. When you graduate from college, regardless of what 'level' or 'degree/certificate' you are getting... it would be nice to know.

4. Don't tell a girl you are 'busy' then the next minute talk about how you watched basketball all day or played poker all night. Thats not busy, thats 'I don't want to see you right now... I want some dude time'.

5. When you have not seen the girl you are 'sleeping with!!' for almost 2 weeks, she gets restless... testy and not gonna lie.... a little pissed off. Don't wait that long to see her... she moves on. (I have a date Friday. jerk)

6. Don't act like the world knows your work schedule... let me know when you are available to hang out... and by that I obviously mean... ACTUALLY LET ME KNOW!!

God, I hate guys.

I will be adding more to this as my dating life progresses.... because as we ALL KNOW... Katie will not be getting married anytime soon.

Julie and I want to start a blog completely based on this idea... that dating really sucks... and awesome girls get stuck at home on Friday nights because idiot guys don't THINK about calling them. Yea... call us. We sometimes want to see you. Who knows... you may actually get laid. Girls have hormones too you fuckers.

Coming soon to a garage near you...

So, my uncle (the only real uncle I have in my uber small, yet ridiculously awesome family...) has owned this car for a really long time. I have always loved this particular car. Its a freaking classic. People all over the world are obsessed. It is an ICON of the 1980s.

My uncle has lived overseas since 1985, the year I was born. he has owned this car since 1981... and since 1985 it has sat in a garage... not being appreciated for the awesomeness that it is.

I am determined to own this car someday.



FUCK YEA!

BACK TO THE FUTURE BABY!!

I have big plans for this car. Can you imagine how AWESOME riding up in this car would be?? Bring along a little dry ice for the 'just got back from 1955' look.

Epic.

Parents just don't understand

Parents are the strangest phenomenon in this whole world. I just don't understand what drives them to do and say what they things they do/say. I wish that for ONE day I could understand their motives and then maybe I wouldn't be so broken hearted all the time when they treat me like a leper.

All I want is to be loved by my parents and not have it be conditional love. But it never has been that way and it never will change. I will never stack up to their perfect picture of what their family SHOULD be if I hadn't ruined it.

No, I didn't ever do anything in my childhood, young adult life that would warrant this feeling. I am just non-conservative and have different ideas of the world. I am still goal oriented and a successful individual. I never did drugs and I'm not a slut who sleeps around and has 12 kids by the age of 23. I don't do any of these things. I've never been arrested, I've never murdered someone and gotten away with it. I haven't done anything that people would consider to be BAD.

My only crime?? Being different. I still graduated from college in 4 years. I did well and went into a profession that is admirable. My mom is a teacher, she should understand this. I love my job and wish to be a teacher for quite some time. I give a lot of my free time to the track team because I love it. I could be doing way worse things with my life. Yes... I'm having issues finding a job since I got back from Korea... but this is not my fault. It isn't like I haven't TRIED to find a job. I've applied for literally everything. In fact... I've applied for jobs that I never wanted to do. I had to really suck up my pride and apply for jobs at Home Depot, Sports Authority, etc. I don't want to work at these places BECAUSE I could have worked at them without the degree I now possess. BUT, life is what it is. And you have to do what you can to make things work.

But do I have my parents love and acceptance?? Nope. Sure don't. They have started a new trend as of late where they invite my brother to dinner or lunch and they don't invite me. I find out about it LATER. And it hurts me every time. They know I don't have plans and if I did, they just have to text and find out. But they don't.

Is it so wrong that I want to be included in my family?

I have received much advice on this subject and I have been leaning toward just cutting them out of my life for a period of time so I can take a break from the constant hurt that they subject me to. I've never done this in the past because I always convince myself that I am the one at fault and that I am being a bad daughter by fighting with them and trying to defend myself. I'm so finished though. It's getting too painful to keep going.

This day, April 5th, marks the beginning of the end. I'm tired of being treated like I am some crack addict who steals money from her family and sleeps on their driveway.

I'm too good for this shit.

I am so murdered...

This post is for Mallory. Cause she's the only one that apparently reads my blogs with any amount of regularity.

This is cause you need a life Mallory....

just kidding. :)

I am home and have been for a month. It's awesome. I still don't have a job, but WHO CARES.

Soon... we will be having a 80's prom party... April 18th.

Hmm... thats about it. I will blog again when I actually have something to write about. Haha.

Home

Yea... So I decided that Korea just totally blew.

And that I was better off coming home before I left a lung on the sidewalk of the most polluted country in the world.

So, I've been home for a little over a week now. I love it and am happy to be here.

I have the most amazing friends, especially Kat. Kat opened up her home to me until I get my own place. She gave me my own room and made it the most comfortable stay ever.

I love Kat and will never be able to express how thankful I am to have such wonderful friends in life.


The weather here is way different than the weather in Korea. In korea its about 10 degrees and here in AZ it is about 80 degrees. HUGE difference. I love not having to wear knee high socks and 12 jackets everyday. AWESOME!!

I've already been coaching track for a week and I love it. The kids are great, as always, and the new kids are warming up to me quickly. The coaches are mostly the same as last year and I'm glad. We have a great time and the season is always so much fun.

I have an apartment that I get to move into on.... Saturday Feb 28th!! I can't wait. Its SUCH a nice apartment and crazy cheap considering how nice it is and how nice of a neighborhood it is in. AND!! I can walk to a taco bell, its just that close!

Perfect.

I'm moving in with my friend Julie who was, once upon a time, my labpartner in freakin astronomy. Now we can hang and talk about stars and the solar system.... NOT! I dont' think that either one of us learned much in that class except not to take a class that STARTS at 8:40pm.




Life is good.

Stuff

A few friends of mine have been begging me to come home. I love my friends dearly and it definitely makes me feel loved and wanted when they do that.

At the same time it makes it 100x harder to stay when I already WANT to go home and then have people asking me to do so.

I looked up flights today just to be curious about how much it would be....

I found two flights that are right after payday in February and one in March that are only 500 bucks.

Thats crazy cheap. It was more expensive for me to go to Thailand!

I don't want to be tempted, but I really am.




I just wish my parents were more supportive of me making that decision if thats what is best for me. They never support me.

Looking back on 2008

I would have to say 2008 was an 'interesting' year.

All years of life are full of their share of ups and downs. 2008 seemed to be full of more than the previous 2.

I guess my 'good luck' was meant to take a dip eventually.

But don't worry... the rock star lifestyle will never end. This is my life and I love every minute of it.

I met some truly amazing people this year that will always be lifelong friends despite the distance that comes between us due to location in this world.

I have lost some friends this year, but I have come to realize that those friends I lost are users and abusers and its just as well that I lost them. I'm better off in the end without them. I can make it on my own.

I have come to appreciate my family more than I have ever in my life. Its shocking how sudden freedom college can bring and also a sudden closeness with family. I'm close with them now because I want to be, not because I have to be. They don't pay for anything anymore, I'm truly on my own, which has enabled me to find my true self and reveal it to them.

___________________

--I started off the year on the strip of Vegas with Kristen and some other random rocker friends. Then I got a horseshoe tattoo on a coffee table in a vegas hotel room.

--I entered my last semester of college and went into student teaching and had the time of my life. I will never forget that semester. SO much fun and SO much work.

--I coached track for the first time ever and coached a hurdler all the way to state for his first time. I feel very accomplished about that even though he did most of the work.

--I graduated from college.

--I got my teaching certificate

--I went on Warped tour

--I went on Mayhem tour

--I lived in a RV and then in a 12 passenger van for the entire summer

--I almost lost a friend who means more to me than most anything in this world because I can be a testy biatch. Thankfully he and I are still golden. I love him more than family.

--I moved to Korea for one year and became a Kindergarten teacher.... thus testing my ability to survive without anyone to fall back on.

--I went to Japan in October

--I went to Thailand for Christmas.



What will 2009 bring??

Happy Crappy New Year

Woo. Here I sit, feeling like I got run over by a semi 12 times.... New Years Eve

What a joy. Here in Korea, they don't believe in having a healthy number of days off... no no. We get the 1st off. Then we have to go back to work for ONE DAY on the 2nd. So stupid.



Nothing is more fun than sitting alone in your apartment, thinking about how you are thousands of miles away from ANYONE moderately important.... And sick.



Fun.

Happy fucking new year.

Jizz In my Pants

This song/video makes me laugh hysterically every time.

Kristen and Mike kept making the face at me that he does at 00:30. I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard.

I Jizz In My Pants


I love it.

No one.

I get the distinct impression in life that no one really knows me. I don't know if this is because I have a permanent wall up that doesn't allow people in, or if it is because people around me just don't bother. I think its a little of both.

Recently I tried to bring to the attention of a friend that she was hurting another friend. I don't intentionally hurt people. Sometimes what I can say is harsh.....

My friend Ashley said in high school when I asked her to describe me for my senior project... "Katie can sometimes be harsh, but she always means well and you know she really cares...".

I don't know why, but that really stuck with me. Never a truer statement of me. I can definitely be harsh. I have a filter, and thank god I do... cause things I COULD say are far worse than what I really do say.

In this situation I tried to be diplomatic and not hurtful. I thought I did good until things started to get personal towards me and started to hurt me.

No, I haven't had a terrible life. I had parents who loved me and provided for me. But thats the only real relationship in my life that hasn't absolutely destroyed me. My own grandparents told me to my face that they didn't consider me their grandchild. I was just a replacement for my dad's other kids. That hurt but not as bad as being disowned by 4 aunts and an uncle, a grandmother, grandfather, cousins, etc etc. That was the worst part. It was almost like they all died. But I put on a brave face and started to build this permanent sky-high wall I have surrounding me.

Other events in life have turned me into this... and when I finally thought I had made friends who might make the effort to know the real me... they write me off because I had the nerve to be blunt.



My definition of friendship is to be real, honest and good. I don't fake with friends. If something has hurt me, I say it.

I can't believe no one in life really knows me.