Update 2009-2010

Oh my goodness. It has been FOREVER since I updated this blog. Good lord.
I'm going to recap by copying and pasting my end of the year blog from facebook to this blog...

yes, That's how lazy I am.

**My hopes for 2010: Be happy, get healthy, work out regularly. Jeremy and I are going to NYC in March to visit Kristin. We are going to CA in January to visit Wil and see Aiden perform. I hope to go to Mexico and do some hiking in the ancient Maya/Aztec ruins during the summer. Turn 25. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. :) Hopefully 2010 doesn't blow like 2009**

Let's see... 2009 in review:

January. I spent New Years 2009 sick in bed in Korea because I had too much fun while in Thailand. I went to bed at 8pm and snored in the new year.

February. I made my grand escape from Korea on Friday the 13th. I made it to Arizona and was greated by all my friends. I went and stayed with Kat and Paul for 2 weeks. I rented an apartment with the lovely and talented Julie Farson. I also started coaching track for the 2nd year. Subbing was my employment.

March. I got my 12th tattoo on Friday the 13th. It's the roman numeral 13 on my foot. No, I'm not in the 13 gang. Why does everyone ask that? Do I look like a gang member?

April. Dating Chocolate Chip. 80's party. Toni drove down from Colorado for the partay. It was amazing.

May. Julie graduates. Break up with Chocolate Chip (he had a stupid name anyway), go see Wil and Aiden and the gorgeous Lisa Johnson in Los Angeles with Jeremy and Hilary. <3 Subbing is now over. What do I do?

June. Working at Tanked fish with Kristin... I graduated college only to serve tables to ungrateful drunks. Oh joy. But, I met Josie, who I adore. London celebrates his 1st bday. Caitlin gives birth to NATALIE!!! The most beautiful baby in the world. Things get ugly at Tanked Fish and it shuts down. Great... I'm unemployed. I start to apply everywhere... some places twice. Dating Randy. Or... something. OH WAIT. Dating Andrew. Sigh. My life...

July. The shock of being poor and unfortuante sets in. I give up food in favor of rent money. I now stop running because I'm losing weight too fast... so unhealthy. I go to work at this lovely bar in Phoenix called Sliders. I hate the job, but I work with Kat, who I love. This job barely gets me by. Still dating Andrew.

August. In sheer desperation I start applying for even more jobs, some of which I am, in no way qualified for. You never know right? I apply for a teaching job at a charter school... cause you never know. I hit 'apply', get up and go to target with Julie. We get to target and my phone rings. It's the principal of the charter school calling me for an interview. I hesitate because it's in GLENDALE, and I live in Ahwatukee. But, I go anyway because my mom said so. ;) I get the job right away. That same day I have another interview for a part time tutoring job. I get that job too. Pretty sure this day was the saving grace of my life. If I had not gotten that job I would be emaciated in a ditch somewhere, clutching my diploma, rocking back and forth while chanting 'I graduated college, I graduated college'. Yup. That was where I was headed.

Also in August. I started my job as a social studies teacher (long term sub) at a middle school. My first day on the job I meet Kristie, Jackie and Betty. Who will quickly become my favorite people. Kristie has rescued me more times than I can count. I'm very lucky. Shockingly enough I'm still dating Andrew.

September. I turn 24. Oh joy. Linz and I get crazy drunk at Larry and Leslie's wedding and the open bar cuts us off. Embarrassing. I don't think we were that drunk. Yadda yadda yadda, Josh comes and rescues us and I prove to be the best drunk 'sober' person in the world. Andrew's still hanging in there. Kristie, Jackie and I coach girls volleyball. It's a blast.

October. OH! I break up with Andrew, for the first time. Halloween comes around, I hang out at my parents house. I'm so exciting. I go to eco camp with the middle school I work at. Super fun. Jackie and I had more fun at the end of eco camp dance than the kids. Haha. Oh wait... the teacher came back and I am now ONCE AGAIN UNEMPLOYED!! YAY!! I realize, I have been unemployed 5 times this year so far.... FIVE TIMES. But, I did such an amazing job at Carden that the principal recommends me to everyone she knows. Which, strangely enough, lands me the full time, real world job that I have now. Teaching high school history at a charter school for kids in and out of jail and on probation. I love it. It's the place I'm meant to be. Even though the hours are nuts and it's in Glendale.

November. I'm working at my job... getting cursed at and kicking kids out of my classroom is a daily activity. BUT, I don't care... it's part of my job. Thanksgiving.

December. Andrew contacts me again, we go out for a week, I dump him again. For good this time. Do I never learn? Geez. Christmas. I spent a lot on family this year. It was great. I get 2 weeks off from school and spend it all doing NOTHING.

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Update from 2010.

At the end of December I woke up one morning after Christmas thinking 'what can I do to better my life?' So I went and joined the gym, LA Fitness. I worked out that first day on my own. I missed working out. I used to work out DAILY in High school and had a personal trainer during Senior year. With a new membership you get a personal training and fitness assessment.

I went apartment shopping with Teresa the following day (and decided that I may have gone to college and I may have a full time salary job but I don't make enough money... boo). So then Teresa and I went to lunch where some crazy guy was slamming his plate in the table behind me, answering his phone when it didn't ring.... etc. He was nuts. So... freaked out and having an all around monetarily stressful day I went to the gym for my personal training session.

I was supposed to have this super buff and slightly scary guy but he was apparently... out. So I got to train with a different guy, Jose. Yadda yadda yadda, did the training, had fun, etc. Next day... I was unable to touch my head with my hands.... needless to say Jose made me feel the burn. Or something.

Then I became addicted to the gym, and coincidentally to Jose, who I fell head over heals for during our training session. <3 He's very funny and likes much of the same music I do, which is a plus. Plus he's super cute.

Anywho, I now go to the gym EVERYDAY because 1. I have no life and it gives me something to do daily that doesn't involve sitting around watching tv and playing on facebook and 2. cause I have a huge crush on Jose.

All updates on my progress with Jose are in my head. I don't want to jinx things right now by typing them out. :)

There are so many places I want to go in life. I never stop thinking about where I want to travel... it's always on my mind. I'm going to try to make a list... obviously I cannot think of everywhere and everything I want to see at one point, so I will be adding to this regularly.

1. Greece: Santorini, the Acropolis, Parthenon, the oracles at Delphi, Athens, rumored location of Sparta, etc etc
2. Egypt: pyramids, sphinx, tombs, Thebes, the Nile, ride a camel
3. Turkey: see the rumored location of Troy, Blue Mosque, Istanbul, Hellenistic city of Ephesus
4. Spain: running of the bulls, see a soccer game in Madrid, Barcelona,
5. Italy: Venice, Rome, leaning tower of Pisa, Colosseum, Florence, shop in expensive designer stores in Milan, Pantheon, Trevi Fountain, The Vatican, Pompeii
6. France
7. Ireland
8. UK
9. Poland
10. Netherlands,
11. Germany
12. Czech Republic
13. Russia
14. Austria
15. Morocco
16. South Africa: visit the area filled with Great White Sharks and see a breaching shark (yes, I'm watching shark week right now)
17. New Zealand
18. China
19. Cambodia
20. India
21. Kazakhstan
22. Mongolia
23. Laos
24. Vietnam
25. Thailand (yes, I NEED to go back)
26. Sri Lanka
27. U.A.E.
28. Philippines
29. Bahamas
30. Venezuela
31. Chile: visit Easter Island, a couple hours off Chile's coast
32. Peru
33. Brazil
34. Argentina
35. Mexico
36. Panama
37. Iceland
38. Norway
39. Sweden
40. Finland
41. Belgium
42. Japan (trip #2)
43. Australia (trip #2)

Wait... what??

I should have bitched about not having a job on this blog earlier, months ago in fact.

I applied for two jobs online yesterday, one is a long-term sub position for elementary social studies at a school in Glendale. The other is part-time tutoring.

One called within half an hour of me applying, and I set up a meeting with the tutoring business owner at 2:15pm today (Thursday). Not even 10 minutes later the other job called to set up an interview at 8am today.

I was a little skeptical about the long-term sub position because it is quite far from my apartment, about 40 minute drive one way. But after speaking to my mom I decided that I should go to the interview, and if I indeed got the job, its a job AND its temporary (in theory).

I went to the job interview at 8am and was super early, because I gave myself a little over an hour to get there, ensuring that if I hit traffic I would still be a little early to the interview. Oh no, I was over half an hour early. haha. So I sat in my car for awhile and read my book, then I went in and did the interview. The principal immediately hands me tax forms and asks me to fill them out. While I was filling them out, the secretary was calling my references. WHILE I WAS SITTING THERE! Ha. The principal said that I could start THAT DAY if they were able to get ahold of my references. They were not able to, unfortunately, because McClintock teachers went back today and had a 'Welcome Back breakfast' or something.

I left and drove home. Then I got home and took a nap. I'm a napper recently. I love naps. Not only that, but I didn't sleep too fantastically last night. When I got up at 12:30 I got myself ready again for my next interview, drove to Starbucks in Scottsdale and had a great interview with the lady from Bright Tutoring. She was a really cool lady and we hit it off immediately.

While I was sitting with her, the school in Glendale called and offered me the job. I called them back as soon as I got in the car and now I start Monday.
Admittedly the job is only a long-term sub position, BUT according to the principal, it could lead to being a full year teaching job depending on if the teacher comes back (maternity leave).
Either way, I don't care.

In the end I want to coach track again this coming spring at McClintock, so I'm torn. If I work there, I won't be able to coach because I won't get out of work until 3pm when track starts, and the school is all the way across town. I could TRY to make it work, and probably WILL try to make it work, assuming things work out that way. I love coaching, its the one thing I really enjoy in life. If this job is NOT a full year, I can just switch to subbing in Tempe, which would save me gas money and then I could 100% coach again. Either way works for me.

I can't wait to start working and actually have a paycheck. I need money so bad!!

I went to visit my mom after my 2nd interview in Scottsdale, she was at her school. I got there just as my dad got there to pick her up (they carpool). I ran up to my dad's truck, ripped open the door and shouted "I GOT A JOB DAD!!" and slammed the door, turning immediately and running into my mom's building and down the hall to her classroom. My parents were super excited for me :) I love my mom and dad, we are doing way better in our relationship these days. And if you know ANYTHING of my relationship with my parents in the past, you know that I have had some issues.

I wore the skirt I wore to my high school graduation today to my interview, and my mom says "that skirt is too big... it hangs off of you. it didn't hang off of you when you wore it to graduation". I'm apparently now smaller in size than I was when I was a senior in high school.

ONE OF THE FEW benefits of being poor. Yay!

Thats about it... I have typed a lot. Oh and I'm about to add some pictures to my plumeria post below this one :)

Plumeria Tree Wonderfulness

I have this tree, a Plumeria tree, that my good friend Michael gave me upon my return from Korea on February 13th, 2009. Yes. Friday the 13th.

in case you don't know what a plumeria is... It's 1. my favorite flower, and 2. a tropical flower found in hawaii and thailand.

here is a photo of the flower itself:



Good things happen on that day. I'm telling you...

ANYWAY!. When I got the tree it was merely a really tall stick in a bucket. I didn't know if it was actually going to grow, or if it was just going to be a stick forever and eventually I would just assume it was dead.

Well this stick is over 7 feet tall. Its taller than Jeremy who is 6 foot 7 inches tall. It's... large.
Here are some photos of it over the last MONTH.
I baby this thing so much, because it is the only good thing in my life right now. THE ONLY THING. Which, sad to say, is not an exaggeration

July 03, 2009:


July 03, 2009 (the top)


July 06, 2009


July 13, 2009


July 30, 2009


July 30, 2009 (top)


August 05, 2009 (Night shot, not that good, but I forgot to take it during the day...)


August 06, 2009


August 06, 2009 (top)


August 21, 2009


August 21, 2009

(this may not LOOK like anything to you, but I assure you... there is something going on here. And by something going on, I mean that something is growing that will eventually lead to flowers. I AM SO EXCITED!!)

Positive aspects of being BROKE AS A JOKE

So, my roommate and I were discussing the positive aspects of being poor. I shall list.

This list will be short, but thorough.

1. I got on AHCCCS.... free healthcare for the poor!! YAY!
2. I renewed my library card in order to keep literate, not that it would really matter at this point.
3. I have lost weight from being poor.
4. I have a better relationship with my parents because they are ACTUALLY being there for me... for once.
5. I am well rested because all I do is sleep...
6. My fingernails are incredibly clean... because I have a ton of time to spend on my personal hygiene.
7. I am super thrifty and once I find a job, I can easily pay off my credit cards and go to Greece!
8. I have a wonderful relationship with my Plumeria tree... which I will write a blog about after this. It's quite a fascinating story.


Thats about it. If I think of more... I'll add.

I succumb... I am consumed.

"We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope."
Martin Luther King

"Fall seven times, stand up eight."
Japanese proverb

"The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests."
Epictetus

Throughout my life I have been blessed to have parents that take care of me and shield me from the hardships in life. I have since becoming an adult really had a fantastic life. I have never had financial hardships, I haven't had huge health issues. My life is fantastic. In the last 4 months everything has seemed to have bottomed out. All the dreams I had for myself have disappeared. I have lost hope in being able to fend for myself.
No matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to find employment with my degree, or without. Jobs that I could easily do, tell me that I am overqualified. I never knew that being educated could be such a deterant for employers. I was always told in school that going to college would open up so many more opportunities that may not have been available to me at that time. But yet... I find myself struggling in a Catch-22 situation. I went to college instead of finding a mindless job out of high school. I took the chance and gambled on myself. I graduated in 4 years without student loans. Now... I am unable to find even a part-time job.
I am hostessing at Sliders by Chase Field with my wonderful friend Kat, who is in the same boat as myself. What has my life come to that hostessing is the only job that I can get?? This is the job that I did when I was in high school: my first job. I have never been so ashamed in my ability or lack of ability, to provide for myself.
I have been able to afford my bills, rent, etc for this entire struggle that started in February of this year... until this month. After my last job closed (out of business) and getting this one that is only semi-part time, I am not making nearly enough money. For the first time in my life I cannot afford my credit card payments. Two of my three credit cards are understanding and are trying to work with me. The third, and the bank at which I have my few remaining dollars, is not so understanding. They harass me constantly, every 4 days to be exact. Trying to get me to give them $144 of my last $150 dollars. Which would leave me with $6.00 for my cell phone and cable bills. That wouldn't cover even half of those bills. What they do not understand is: I need both my cell phone and the internet to FIND a job in order to make the money to pay them.

I am just so defeated and I don't know what to do. I have cut myself off of so many of my friends because they don't understand. They don't try to understand, and why should they? They have jobs and are making fine money. I am just the loser friend who graduated college and is living day to day on very little money.
The only positive in this situation is that I've downed my food intake to 1 meal a day, if that... so I've lost an incredible amount of unneeded weight. I wish this was not the case, but unfortunately food is the first thing to go when you need to pay rent and have a place to live.

This is my life.

I am trying so hard to look to the future and think that things will improve soon and that I just have to get through the hard times. "Everyone goes through these hard times". I know. But I've never had to, so its new and really scary for me. I don't know where my next paycheck is coming from. I've applied to every job on the planet, some have gotten 2 applications from me because I don't remember if I've applied there yet. All I need is a break. And I can't seem to get one.

I just live day to day, plugging along, trying not to break down and fall into a deep depression that I know is pounding at the door. Complete and total sadness and failure is just mere minutes from overtaking my heart and soul, and it is all I can do to keep it from consuming me. Sometimes I want to let it consume me. I want to succumb to the blackness eating away at my heart and spirit. I have lost some of the spirit that I had, my ability to be happy in every situation and jokingly jolly all the time is gone. I am an empty shell of an individual.

I need.
I want.
I cry.
I bleed.

Sigh.

June

This month has been especially hard for me. The trials and tribulations that I've been put through have really tested my ability to survive the rough times.
I know that things can always be worse, but there are moments where things just seem to pile on top of one another until they cannot possible stay in balance. And then everything comes tumbling down. I'm currently waiting for everything to just come tumbling down on top of me.
In the past month I have found myself without a job, searching throughout the city for any job. Anything. I finally was able to get a job at a sushi restaurant, Tanked Fish because a friend of mine worked there. It wasn't my dream job, obviously, but a job is a job in this economy.

Things were going well for about a week. Then one day I was out to lunch/shopping with my friend Teresa and I started not being able to breathe. I couldn't seem to get a deep breath into my lungs. My tongue then started to swell up and my body was covered in hives. She rushed me to the ER where they immediately admitted me. I was surrounded my nurses sticking IVs into me and giving me shots and breathing tubes. It was terrifying.
I apparently had an anaphylactic allergic reaction. I could have died. The ER doctor was freaking out and kept telling me that I could die and they were doing everything for me that they could. He even told my mom that I could die. My mom said something about when I get better, and he says "you are assuming she's going to make it". I couldn't believe he said that to my mother.
Then I got to stay in the ICU unit overnight with all the people that they thought were going to die at any moment. I was apparently at that high of a risk of relapsing. Probably the scariest day of my life.
When I was finally released from the hospital I had to get what is called an Epipen. Basically I have to carry this thing around with me everywhere just in case this shock happens again. Because if it happens again, I will only have a mere 3 minutes to inject myself before I die. So this Epipen has to be with me everywhere I go for the rest of my life. (Not my idea of fun).
Things finally were going ok because I was out of the hospital. Whew. life was good.

Then I started to get sick again. My throat closed up only 5 days after I left the hospital. I went to urgent care and turns out I had a severe case of strep throat. Wtf?

Among all the little shitty things that have happened in the midst of all of this, I just don't know how I've managed to keep going and keep smiling.

Then today I was sitting at my apartment thinking about how I was finally feeling a little better. I could breathe. It didn't hurt like hell to swallow...

And I get a call on my phone, goes to voicemail. I listen to it. It is Tanked Fish. They are 'letting me go'. Tanked Fish is owned by the same people that own the neighboring restaurant Madi G's. Madi G's is always empty of customers. So they are selling Madi G's to someone which means they have to close it down. All of the people that work at Madi G's are being transferred over to Tanked Fish. Unfortunately that means there are TONS more people at Tanked than they need. So they started firing people from the bottom up. Which means me.

So I've been in the hospital twice, gotten countless meds, been fired... wtf else can go wrong? And this has all happened between June 5th and today, June 17th. 12 days. I can't believe it.

I just want to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I want the month to end. I can't take much more.

13th Tattoo....

Ok, so as you all know, or should know, I have 12 tattoos. I do not intend to have 12 tattoos forever. I intend to get one more and make it an uneven 13.
13 being my lucky number and my obsession, the pressure has been put on me to make this tattoo something really amazing.
I think I have come up with the perfect idea. I have yet to make it exactly what I want it to be... but that will be between me and Manuel, my super sexy tattoo artist. :)
The unveiling will come later... once I get it.

The one clue I can give you is:


Stay Tuned...

Dating: No pansies allowed

It's so funny how things go so wrong so quickly.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I don't really date.... I didn't have the time or the energy to 'meet someone' for so long. I guess in a way this hurt me. I have no prior experience to reference when I'm having issues in my current dating life.

The following.... frustrate me.

1. When a girl likes you, she usually makes it pretty obvious. How hard is it to be straightforward back to her? If you don't like her... be a man and say that things aren't going to work out so that she can move on.

2. When you DO like a girl, don't ignore her. Why is it that guys think that texting/calling someone like once a week is ok?? It's not too much to ask for you to touch base with me.

3. When major life events occur... tell the girl you are dating. When you graduate from college, regardless of what 'level' or 'degree/certificate' you are getting... it would be nice to know.

4. Don't tell a girl you are 'busy' then the next minute talk about how you watched basketball all day or played poker all night. Thats not busy, thats 'I don't want to see you right now... I want some dude time'.

5. When you have not seen the girl you are 'sleeping with!!' for almost 2 weeks, she gets restless... testy and not gonna lie.... a little pissed off. Don't wait that long to see her... she moves on. (I have a date Friday. jerk)

6. Don't act like the world knows your work schedule... let me know when you are available to hang out... and by that I obviously mean... ACTUALLY LET ME KNOW!!

God, I hate guys.

I will be adding more to this as my dating life progresses.... because as we ALL KNOW... Katie will not be getting married anytime soon.

Julie and I want to start a blog completely based on this idea... that dating really sucks... and awesome girls get stuck at home on Friday nights because idiot guys don't THINK about calling them. Yea... call us. We sometimes want to see you. Who knows... you may actually get laid. Girls have hormones too you fuckers.

Coming soon to a garage near you...

So, my uncle (the only real uncle I have in my uber small, yet ridiculously awesome family...) has owned this car for a really long time. I have always loved this particular car. Its a freaking classic. People all over the world are obsessed. It is an ICON of the 1980s.

My uncle has lived overseas since 1985, the year I was born. he has owned this car since 1981... and since 1985 it has sat in a garage... not being appreciated for the awesomeness that it is.

I am determined to own this car someday.



FUCK YEA!

BACK TO THE FUTURE BABY!!

I have big plans for this car. Can you imagine how AWESOME riding up in this car would be?? Bring along a little dry ice for the 'just got back from 1955' look.

Epic.