"We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope."
Martin Luther King
"Fall seven times, stand up eight."
Japanese proverb
"The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests."
Epictetus
Martin Luther King
"Fall seven times, stand up eight."
Japanese proverb
"The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests."
Epictetus
Throughout my life I have been blessed to have parents that take care of me and shield me from the hardships in life. I have since becoming an adult really had a fantastic life. I have never had financial hardships, I haven't had huge health issues. My life is fantastic. In the last 4 months everything has seemed to have bottomed out. All the dreams I had for myself have disappeared. I have lost hope in being able to fend for myself.
No matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to find employment with my degree, or without. Jobs that I could easily do, tell me that I am overqualified. I never knew that being educated could be such a deterant for employers. I was always told in school that going to college would open up so many more opportunities that may not have been available to me at that time. But yet... I find myself struggling in a Catch-22 situation. I went to college instead of finding a mindless job out of high school. I took the chance and gambled on myself. I graduated in 4 years without student loans. Now... I am unable to find even a part-time job.
I am hostessing at Sliders by Chase Field with my wonderful friend Kat, who is in the same boat as myself. What has my life come to that hostessing is the only job that I can get?? This is the job that I did when I was in high school: my first job. I have never been so ashamed in my ability or lack of ability, to provide for myself.
I have been able to afford my bills, rent, etc for this entire struggle that started in February of this year... until this month. After my last job closed (out of business) and getting this one that is only semi-part time, I am not making nearly enough money. For the first time in my life I cannot afford my credit card payments. Two of my three credit cards are understanding and are trying to work with me. The third, and the bank at which I have my few remaining dollars, is not so understanding. They harass me constantly, every 4 days to be exact. Trying to get me to give them $144 of my last $150 dollars. Which would leave me with $6.00 for my cell phone and cable bills. That wouldn't cover even half of those bills. What they do not understand is: I need both my cell phone and the internet to FIND a job in order to make the money to pay them.
I am just so defeated and I don't know what to do. I have cut myself off of so many of my friends because they don't understand. They don't try to understand, and why should they? They have jobs and are making fine money. I am just the loser friend who graduated college and is living day to day on very little money.
The only positive in this situation is that I've downed my food intake to 1 meal a day, if that... so I've lost an incredible amount of unneeded weight. I wish this was not the case, but unfortunately food is the first thing to go when you need to pay rent and have a place to live.
This is my life.
I am trying so hard to look to the future and think that things will improve soon and that I just have to get through the hard times. "Everyone goes through these hard times". I know. But I've never had to, so its new and really scary for me. I don't know where my next paycheck is coming from. I've applied to every job on the planet, some have gotten 2 applications from me because I don't remember if I've applied there yet. All I need is a break. And I can't seem to get one.
I just live day to day, plugging along, trying not to break down and fall into a deep depression that I know is pounding at the door. Complete and total sadness and failure is just mere minutes from overtaking my heart and soul, and it is all I can do to keep it from consuming me. Sometimes I want to let it consume me. I want to succumb to the blackness eating away at my heart and spirit. I have lost some of the spirit that I had, my ability to be happy in every situation and jokingly jolly all the time is gone. I am an empty shell of an individual.
I need.
I want.
I cry.
I bleed.
Sigh.
No matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to find employment with my degree, or without. Jobs that I could easily do, tell me that I am overqualified. I never knew that being educated could be such a deterant for employers. I was always told in school that going to college would open up so many more opportunities that may not have been available to me at that time. But yet... I find myself struggling in a Catch-22 situation. I went to college instead of finding a mindless job out of high school. I took the chance and gambled on myself. I graduated in 4 years without student loans. Now... I am unable to find even a part-time job.
I am hostessing at Sliders by Chase Field with my wonderful friend Kat, who is in the same boat as myself. What has my life come to that hostessing is the only job that I can get?? This is the job that I did when I was in high school: my first job. I have never been so ashamed in my ability or lack of ability, to provide for myself.
I have been able to afford my bills, rent, etc for this entire struggle that started in February of this year... until this month. After my last job closed (out of business) and getting this one that is only semi-part time, I am not making nearly enough money. For the first time in my life I cannot afford my credit card payments. Two of my three credit cards are understanding and are trying to work with me. The third, and the bank at which I have my few remaining dollars, is not so understanding. They harass me constantly, every 4 days to be exact. Trying to get me to give them $144 of my last $150 dollars. Which would leave me with $6.00 for my cell phone and cable bills. That wouldn't cover even half of those bills. What they do not understand is: I need both my cell phone and the internet to FIND a job in order to make the money to pay them.
I am just so defeated and I don't know what to do. I have cut myself off of so many of my friends because they don't understand. They don't try to understand, and why should they? They have jobs and are making fine money. I am just the loser friend who graduated college and is living day to day on very little money.
The only positive in this situation is that I've downed my food intake to 1 meal a day, if that... so I've lost an incredible amount of unneeded weight. I wish this was not the case, but unfortunately food is the first thing to go when you need to pay rent and have a place to live.
This is my life.
I am trying so hard to look to the future and think that things will improve soon and that I just have to get through the hard times. "Everyone goes through these hard times". I know. But I've never had to, so its new and really scary for me. I don't know where my next paycheck is coming from. I've applied to every job on the planet, some have gotten 2 applications from me because I don't remember if I've applied there yet. All I need is a break. And I can't seem to get one.
I just live day to day, plugging along, trying not to break down and fall into a deep depression that I know is pounding at the door. Complete and total sadness and failure is just mere minutes from overtaking my heart and soul, and it is all I can do to keep it from consuming me. Sometimes I want to let it consume me. I want to succumb to the blackness eating away at my heart and spirit. I have lost some of the spirit that I had, my ability to be happy in every situation and jokingly jolly all the time is gone. I am an empty shell of an individual.
I need.
I want.
I cry.
I bleed.
Sigh.
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