Family

For those of you that don't know me extremely well.... my family consists of my mom, dad and brother. Thats about it. I have a GMA who is completely insane.... and various relatives that we do not speak to, for various reasons.

Recently I have become oddly closer to my mom. Which is weird because we spent 22 years of my life fighting and wanting to rip each other a new one constantly. I have had some of the worst fights of my life with my mom..... and I wanted to turn my back and walk away from her and never return. We did not have a relationship... let alone a GOOD relationship.

Now, it appears that things are getting better, step by step. It apparently took me graduating college for my mom to loosen up and realize that I'm an intelligent individual and NO, I'm not a clone of her. I am my own person and will always be a little weird in her opinion.

For a lot of my life I have been the outcast in the family. The one who is the weirdo that no one knows where she came from. I never felt like I belonged. My brother is like a replica of my mom with a little of my dad in him. He's boring, just like my parents. I'm the exciting one that goes out and does stuff to see what it's like. I don't like to hear 'don't do this cause something bad will happen'. I like to go out and DO that, and find out what is so bad about the consequence. Call me stupid or reckless, but my life has always been like this and I enjoy it.

As children, my brother always knew what he wanted to be when he 'grew up'. He wanted to be a computer engineer from the moment he could understand what it was. My dad is a computer engineer.... it only seemed 'plausible' that he would follow in my dad's footsteps?? I don't know why he chose this, but he loves computers and he loves his job. Good for him. I love my brother so I'm happy that he is happy.

I, on the other hand, have never been that person.... I never knew what I wanted to be. I wanted to be a horse for a long time in elementary school.... until I realized that I couldn't be a horse. Ever. After that heartbreaking realization I wanted to be an actor... cause I sure as hell loved to act like a horse..... so if I was an actor I could play all kinds of fun roles. I took theater in high school and thought better of me being an actor. I still think I could do it, but it isn't my passion.

I spent forever trying to figure out what my passion is. You know what it is?? I HAVE NO IDEA!!! The thing about me is... I have about a billion passions. I love music... I love reading... I love traveling.... I love people..... I love history.

How do I smack those all together???? Go to another country and teach and meet people, and travel while I'm there and go to concerts of bands I love.

Yup. Thats pretty much my life plan.

To just fuck around for 60 or so years then kick the bucket in an awesome way.

I have lived life by the seat of my pants.... just going from one adventure to the other. Never really expecting life to take me in a certain direction or give me any ideas for a future.

I still have a billion goals that will result in different life paths.... but for now I'm satisfied not knowing.

I pride myself on the freedom in which I live everyday. I have my worries, but how many people would pick up their entire life after hearing 2 weeks ago that they are going to Korea? Most people would find that 2 weeks notice is not enough.... Its fast, but I'm willing and able.

I found out that my brother is looking for a job in Colorado..... and he's distancing himself from my parents and myself. Which makes me sad. I love my brother. I can't help but think that he's jealous and mad at me in some way.... He has been out of college for 2 years and he is finally getting to the point where he will leave AZ. He has always wanted to get the hell out. But I'm about 3 months out of college and I've already been on 2 concert tours around the country and am moving to another country.

Who has the plan NOW sucker???

I guess there is something to say for not being prepared and not making a life plan. Plans never work out anyway....

I feel pretty good about life right now.