Mexican Hat dance.

Do you ever have those moments where you have the opportunity to be the bigger person but you don't take it?? You'd rather be a small petty person than the bigger, more mature person.

I actually took that opportunity this week and was the bigger person. When I could have written a scathing blog about the flaws evident in others, I chose not too. Not that it helped the situation AT ALL, but I felt a little better. I tend to be the person that writes back immediately to rude messages, texts, etc. When I'm angry, I'm even quicker. But... for once I held my tongue and gave myself time to cool down and think rationally.

Which is a step in the right direction. I guess.

I have a bad temper at times. Which is amazing to me. Because it comes and goes. When I was student teaching and would get frustrated it would take a LOT to make me frustrated. I was a fairly patient person. But then when it comes to people I know out of 'work'.... friends and family and otherwise unrelated to school activities people.... I am quick to anger. Why is that?? Maybe its cause I find the innocence of students to be less annoying than the blatantly badgering ignorance of adults.

Thats probably it.

I solved my own issue. HERE'S A TISSUE!!!

I spent today doing random things.

I went to bed at 3am... then got up at 8 after a very bad nights sleep. I had trouble waking up, for the first time in forever. I sat on my couch for 20 minutes before even starting to get ready for my interview. For me, thats unusual. I'm always the one who pops out of bed and right into the shower in about 2 minutes. I pop here and there. Pop pop pop. But today was different. It was the culmination of the entire weeks stress that got to me.

This past week has probably been the WORST one so far in recent memory.

There was one week in August 2007 that was worse. But that's cause that was when my heart was torn from my chest and that person did the Mexican Hat dance ON my heart. It was OBVIOUSLY never the same. Duh.

Anyway. I went to a job interview. It was for teaching at a detention center here in Phoenix. I think it would be great. The woman said "detention center.... DON'T CRINGE". I actually did not cringe at all. I got a twinge in my heart telling me that I wanted that job worse than anything. I love troubled kids. Thats where my heart lies. I told the woman that I didn't cringe and that I found it ridiculous that anyone would. I was surprised that she thought I would cringe. I guess I can see WHY she would, but I thought it was a great opportunity. I'm hoping to get the job. Because if I do, I think that this could be a cool experience for me. Plus... how tough do I sound when I say "My last job was at the detention center". Har har har. Hilaaaarious.

After the interview I went home and went back to sleep for a few hours. Then... I got up and went to Rachel's house (again. hehe. I'm always there or at Kat's... or with them). We went bowling. It was hilariously fun. I had a great time.

When I walked in, I noticed a girl I went to high school with... someone I was once friends with. She was there with a friend and her husband. They appeared to be having a horrid time. We got placed WITH them. Which was awkward. But... we had such a ridiculously loud good time, that anyone would have a terrible time. And I realized something.

I'm very fortunate to have the girl friends that I do. Without them.... I would be very lonely. They are the rock that holds me together, especially this week. They support me in all my wacky endeavors. They love me despite my flaws and they don't point them out to me. They know that I am human and make mistakes and do dumb things and have issues, yet they love me anyway. I felt sorry for the girl I was once friends with. She could have been having so much more fun. Our group is so free. We are free to laugh and yell and be rowdy.

I felt happy tonight.... then I started to feel non-happy. Not because of the company. but because my mind is weighed down with a lot of bullshit right now. And I can hardly breathe.

I am going to my parents house for dinner tomorrow. I'm going to try to get my mom to see the desperation in my situation... hopefully she won't say the dreaded "i told you so". Regardless... she did tell me so. I didn't listen. For once I can admit that my mom was right. She knew this would happen and I refused to believe. Now... I need her more than ever. I need her to help me be happy.

Cross your fingers that my mommy feels that this is a time when monetary assistance is appropriate.